published 13 August 2022
Lees dit artikel in het Nederlands
A whirlwind romance had brought me to a Greek island, where – sipping on a frappé, the sea lapping at my feet – my rose tinted sunglasses fell off. My lover informed me he could perhaps learn to tolerate my work, but he couldn’t possibly actively support a career in this industry. I wanted to spit frappé in his face, but he pleaded for another chance, saying he’d already come so far given his conservative background. I’m happy to report that he’s now managing my OnlyFans, helping with my website’s SEO and shooting content for me and my colleagues. Was I looking for an assistant rather than a boyfriend? Probably.
Mockery is a big red flag
I was less lucky with another date, who found it hilarious that I referred to a scheduled porn shoot as going to work. I sent him some sex worker rights videos and dumped him. Mockery is a big red flag, much worse than squeamishness.
Nobody wants a whorephobic partner, but on the other hand everyone carries stigma around. If someone seems otherwise amazing, maybe we should give them some time to educate themselves. But how long is too long? In general always keep in mind it’s better to let someone with growth potential go too soon, than risk sticking it out with someone who is clinging onto their prejudice.
Patience of an angel
The world thinks that we don’t deserve respect and it’s easy to start believing that, even subconsciously. We then find a partner who doesn’t think our job is worthy of respect and we accept that, unaware that not respecting our work equals not respecting us. Internalised stigma can make it harder to see red flags and three months, if you have the patience of an angel, is plenty of time for someone to get clued up.
Substitute
If you need to, substitute the word ‘whore’ for another job, to combat your own internalised stigma. And kick their ass out if they continue spewing bullshit like ‘I won’t have sex with you after you’ve treated a patient’, ‘I won’t support your career as a painter’, ‘I don’t want you to meet my friends and family because you’re a hairdresser’, ‘I get triggered and angry when I hear you talk about your day at the office’, ‘I will only date you if you quit being a driver.’ See how creepy and controlling that sounds? We deserve the same respect as other workers, especially from our partners!
